Anger and Codependency: Breaking Free from the Need to Be Needed

Dear One, are you struggling with anger in your relationships? Do you find yourself constantly trying to help or fix others? As a codependency recovery expert, I've discovered that anger often masks a deeper pattern in codependent relationships – the overwhelming need to be needed rather than truly wanted.

When we're caught in codependent patterns, anger often becomes our constant companion, though we may not understand why. Today, I want to share a profound truth that took me years of healing to understand: Our anger often masks a deeper pattern – the need to be needed rather than truly wanted.

Anger itself isn't the enemy. In fact, it's often a powerful messenger trying to alert us when:

• Our boundaries have been crossed
• A relationship needs to end
• We're avoiding self-accountability
• Our dependencies on others have become unhealthy
• We're neglecting our own self-care
• We're living inauthentically

Here's what many codependents miss: Sometimes our anger isn't just about what others are doing to us – it's about what we're doing to ourselves through our desperate need to be needed.

I know this path intimately. I spent years positioning myself as the eternal caregiver – the one who would play every role imaginable: therapist, financial advisor, nurse, parent figure, savior. I convinced myself these actions were altruistic, but beneath that noble facade lay a painful truth: I needed to be needed because I didn't believe I was worthy of being wanted for who I was.

When we operate from this need to be needed, we create a toxic cycle. We unconsciously seek out people we can "help," pour ourselves into fixing their lives, and then become angry when they don't appreciate us or reciprocate in the way we secretly expect.

This anger is valid – we are being taken advantage of. But here's the hard truth: We're the ones who created these dynamics by choosing people we could "help" rather than equals we could grow with.

How to Heal from Codependent Patterns

The path forward requires brutal honesty. When anger rises, ask yourself:

• Am I trying to control someone under the guise of helping them?
• Have I chosen this person because they seem to need me?
• What am I avoiding in my own life by focusing on fixing others?
• Am I angry because they're not fulfilling the unspoken contract I created?

Steps to Break Free from Codependency

1. Recognize when you're choosing people to "fix" rather than connect with
2. Acknowledge anger as a signal of your wounded ego
3. Start valuing yourself for who you are, not what you do
4. Learn to sit with the discomfort of not being needed
5. Create relationships based on mutual growth rather than dependency

Dear One, you deserve to be wanted – truly wanted – for exactly who you are. Not for what you can give, fix, or provide, but for your authentic self. The journey from being needed to being wanted begins with healing the part of you that doesn't believe you're enough just as you are.

All my love,
Lisa

If you're struggling with codependency and anger, learn more about breaking free from these patterns in my breakthrough coaching program.