How to Build Emotional Closeness with Your Partner

Do you find it difficult to feel close to the people you love? Would you enjoy feeling like you could be more vulnerable with others, rather than feeling like you have to hide the deepest parts of yourself?

If so, maybe it's time to question how your childhood may be impacting your ability to feel emotional closeness with your partner today. 

Codependence in Relationships 

As a child, I learned to believe love was conditional and that in order to feel close to my parents, I needed to stuff my feelings, hide my true self, and perform as I understood they wanted me to. 

Learning to understand myself as someone who suffered from codependence in my relationships, forced me to confront how my childhood had conditioned my subconscious mind to live in fear of living my life as authentically as I would have liked, which also interfered with my ability to develop emotional closeness in my relationships. 

• Was it my fault, that I chased approval, and looked for people to fix in my life?
• Was it my fault, that I was raised to believe I had NO right to THINK MY thoughts or FEEL MY feelings?
• Was it my fault, that my childhood destroyed my ability to develop a healthy sense of self, and as a result, I was brainwashed to believe that GOOD people WORRY about other people and NOT themselves?

It was NOT my fault I developed CODEPENDENCY, low self-worth, and DOUBTED every instinct and natural impulse I had to PROTECT myself and it is NOT your fault if you struggle with the same issues.

Ultimately I learned that you could be the MOST amazing successful person in your career and STILL have the most painful relationships imaginable IF you grew up feeling invisible and like it was your job to be your parent's therapist, punching bag, or pseudo spouse.  

Never FEEL GOOD ENOUGH

If you grew up in homes with addiction issues that were denied or were swept under the rug...if you grew up with parents who hated one another and yet pretended to be happy for your sake...if you grew up with anxiety and no one noticed...if you grew up being abused and the abusers brainwashed you to believe it was your fault...Dear Adult Child, you need to know...

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT if you struggle to love yourself, listen to yourself, seek approval from others, or if you never feel good enough. 

TRUE INTIMACY vs CODEPENDENCY

One of the biggest challenges we can face in relationships is seeking approval from our partners. This can manifest in many ways, from constantly needing reassurance that we are loved, to always needing to be right. Often, this stems from patterns that were established in our childhood. If we grew up feeling invisible or unimportant, we may subconsciously seek validation from others. This can be a major barrier to intimacy because it creates a sense of distance between us and our partners. If we are always looking for approval, we will never truly feel seen or heard. Instead, we will be focused on trying to please our partner, rather than on being ourselves.

Codependency makes it impossible to experience emotional closeness with partners. 

If you seek approval, you may be subconsciously afraid of...

• abandonment
• feeling guilty
• partner persecution
• confrontation
• feeling confused and doubting yourself

To break free from these patterns, it is important to become aware of them CONSCIOUSLY!

If you PUT OTHERS FIRST, and you FEAR speaking from the SOUL, then you will settle for what shows up, even if it SUCKS, and is PAINFUL.

It can be NO other way Dear One, until you AWAKEN and REFUSE to fall back to sleep into the patterns of the wounded INNER CHILD. Pay attention to the times when you feel the need to seek approval from your partner. This can be a result of Codependency, which is often caused by growing up in an environment where we felt invisible or unimportant. If we can learn to see ourselves as worthy and valuable, we will no longer need to seek validation from others. Instead, we can focus on creating intimacy by being present and authentic with partners who may be amazing and worthy of making relationships work! If you find yourself constantly seeking approval from your partner, there are a few things you can do to break free from this pattern. First, try to become more aware of when you are doing it. Pay attention to the times when you feel the need to seek validation. Then, work on accepting yourself for who you are. This means accepting both your strengths and your weaknesses and the strengths and weaknesses of your partner. Work on healing the wounded inner child and the subconscious patterns responsible for why you are afraid to HONOR THY SELF! Acknowledge the conflicts you may hold regarding relationships, like associating love with pain. If you can heal the wounded inner child and learn to believe YOU ARE ENOUGH in spite of feeling unloved, persecuted, afraid, unworthy, and invisible as a child,  you can create the opportunity to manifest truly INTIMATE and MUTUALLY SATISFYING relationships in your life! In order to break through this Codependency, it's important to understand the patterns that were created in childhood and to work on healing them. This will allow you to have more emotional intimacy in your adult relationships. Breaking these patterns MUST become your focus and considering these patterns are subconscious, it is best to work with those who have successfully managed to heal their own subconscious patterns responsible for living a life in denial of the TRUE SELF.   Developing emotional closeness is not as hard as you think. What tripped you up in the past, won't trip you up again. Find out how to develop Emotional Closeness with Lisa A Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc https://www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp

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