Narcissistic Abuse and the Power of Your Awakened Mind

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I can attest to the frazzled mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical states caused by gaslighting, constant innuendos, passive-aggressiveness, stonewalling, triangulation, devaluation, and the silent treatment. And when you are someone like me, who grew up with narcissistic and codependent parents who relied on behaviorism to raise their children, you gravitate toward partners later in life who are incapable of mutuality, empathy, consideration, and reciprocity. The worst part of this scenario is not the relationship itself. The worse part is that you are completely operating your entire life with a set of subconscious, faulty, negative childhood blueprints and don't know it. 

• Can you fix a hole in the wall you can't see?
• Can you avoid a pothole in the street when you have no data in your memory bank for the damage a pothole can cause your car?
• Can you alter your perception of yourself, powerfully, that leads to ending toxic relationships if you have no idea that what's wrong is subconscious and fixable?

The answer to these profound questions is no, yet changing your life is entirely doable when one finally stops the toxic train of thoughts in their mind long enough to activate higher mind-function. 

But here's the thing. Are you ready?

Narcissistic abuse is all a mind-fu**. Narcissistic abuse is absolutely designed to strap you to a Ferris Wheel of self-doubt, anxiety, fear, worry, trepidation, and worry-filled thoughts, which does an amazing job at preventing you from learning how to master what you focus on. 

Quantum Physics and Emotional Narcissistic Abuse

According to the latest research in quantum physics, reality is shaped by the mind—everything we experience first occurs within our consciousness, and the external world mirrors the patterns of our inner world.

Surprisingly, there are no actual lights inside your mind. Yet, within this dark space, you replay past experiences like mental movies, often remaining trapped in a recalled state of childhood consciousness. Your nervous system automatically reacts to memories, associations, and the chemical processes we call emotions—all without your conscious awareness.

Ugh. If that does not freak you out and inspire you simultaneously, Dear One, read this last sentence repeatedly until it clicks. 

Quantum science is the quest for us to experience self-discovery. It's a journey of the individual who finally reaches a place where they can say, "This is me, the observer, observing not only what is within my mind but what manifests outside of me. Oh, this is me, one with what is happening within my mind, through the power of measurement, perceiving, judging, deciding, and analyzing what is happening outside of me. There is no such thing as separation. That which I feel and believe is a measurement, and through this powerful conscious tool, I get to make which decisions to make will direct my life. 

Narcissistic Abuse, Codependency, and the Ultimate Form of Emotional Freedom

It took me years to break through the childhood trauma that had me soaked in self hate, self doubt, shame, and feeling not good enough, long enough, where I could finally start to understand the cause and effect nature of my toxic codependent narcissistic marriage. However, in that tiny space of higher self-awareness, in the microcosm of my inner world, I had a flash of the macrocosm and how my existence fit into the entire cosmos. 

• Was it any surprise I married a man who was as emotionally and psychologically abusive as my mother? 
• Was it any surprise I married someone who called me crazy, selfish, a flake, and a whacko, when as a child my mother, the one person in this entire world, who was supposed to shelter me from abuse, also verbally harassed me and delighted in psychological exploitation, triangulation from my siblings, and projected her unhealed wounds from her sick childhood upon me? 
• Was it any surprise I developed eating disorders, struggled with body dysmorphia, and did not believe I was worthy of a healthy, loving, wonderful man when I grew up with a father who shamed me for not wearing makeup at the breakfast table, who commented on my body, and made crude comments about other women regarding their shapes, and sizes?

No, it's no surprise when it's laid out in such an easy-to-understand few paragraphs. However, dig deeper and notice the absolute laws that govern time and space playing out, the law of cause and effect. You can also observe wave-particle duality playing out. My eating disorder is a simple example of cause and effect, action and reaction. As a child, I did not feel good enough. Society and my upbringing with toxic men, including my alcoholic uncles, programmed and brainwashed me to believe that women were only valuable if they were thin and met their criteria for attractiveness. As a teenager, what went in came out. I internalized all those messages on a quantum, subatomic, feeling level, and true to the power of the subconscious, eating disorders manifested. 

When Healing From Narcissistic Abuse, What You Need Most is Time

If I can offer you any advice, it would be to stop and take the time needed to learn how to observe what is happening in you at the feeling level. This is why all of my healing roadmaps, i.e., coaching programs, are centered on slowing down your brainwaves long enough so that the observer within you can learn to observe the subtle emotions that govern your life outside of consciousness. Only then, once you can observe the holes in the walls, can you fix them. 

Commenting on social media won't heal you. Scrolling through 30-second reels on Facebook, YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram will only keep you stuck on that Ferris Wheel. And they may even confuse you more by solidifying the idea that what's wrong is entirely outside of you, rendering you outside your conscious awareness as a victim of a situation you cannot control. What will help you is deciding you are worthy of 30 to 60 minutes a day to begin your self-reflection activation process, beginning with meditation and journaling practices.

Extraordinary Healing Transformations Require Extraordinary Commitment

Once, I was the type of person who would tell you I had not time to look within. I relied on the "I am too busy as a mom to take care of myself" excuse. I get it, and I understand however, I also see the total bullcrap excuse this is because nothing, and I mean nothing is more important than you learning how to control where your mind, emotions, thoughts, actions, decisions, perceptions and intentions go. In time, I learned to drag myself out of bed an hour before my kids got up to do this sacred work, and today, I can't wait to get out of bed to start crafting my intentions, visions, expectations, hopes, dreams, and emotions for the day ahead.

If you grew up with childhood trauma, and you don't stop making excuses for putting your mind first, you hang out on the end of the stick where narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths like to mingle.

You are more of a target unhealed, and as someone who refuses to take the time to self reflect. I am not the kind of Life Coach, mom, wife, or friend who sugar coats life's hard realities, and I will not apologize for being so blunt and matter-of-fact. Whether you or I like it or not, childhood trauma, unchecked, unhealed, and unprocessed, makes one a target for the sickest, most egregious members of society. And that is unfair, yet the truth. 

But, Dear One, there's Good News.

During the midst of a narcissistic mental and emotional assault, your best bet is to take a deep breath, say nothing, and do nothing aside from learning how to notice what emotions and energies are swirling, unless you need to make a fast exit, in which case common sense is essential.. Once you notice the emotions, and as you continue to breathe deeply, that is when you want to start the self-observation process.

You want to start asking yourself these sorts of questions;

• How do I feel right now?
• What emotions are being activated?
• What kinds of racing thoughts am I having?
• Is my mind worried about how this person sees me?
• What is my inner child afraid of right now?
• How is this situation similar to my childhood?
• Who does this person remind me of?
• What do these feelings remind me of?
• When have I felt these feelings before? 

Why are these self-reflective questions so essential to a narcissistic abuse survivor?

They are 1000% times essential due to their ability to take the focus off of the narcissist who is abusing you and places your most valuable human asset, which is your focused attention, back within you, Dear One. Narcissists extrapolate your focus right from underneath your nose. All narcissistic abuse survivors become entangled with narcissists, which we call enmeshment. Quantum laws play out in this type of bondage.

Did you know that molecules are held in place by various chemical bonds?

Yes, cortisol can keep you bonded to a narcissist, all outside your control, and so if we take the time to think about it, reducing cortisol and activating calmer hormones in our body will help to dissolve the bonds we have with narcissists. 

Most of us, including myself, make the hardest and most profound decisions of our lives due to some significant breakdown that results in overwhelming pain, which causes enough energy momentum to cause us to take an action that begins to tackle the original source of our pain. For me, it was the fear of death and leaving my children to my ex and his family, and the fear of their future that created the inertia (another quantum law) within me to face all of my inner child's fears.

In the end, it all seems so clear a few decades later. The human mind is creating reality. As an individual, my personal life will reflect in every way imaginable, quantum to physical reality, the types of thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, emotions, inner visions, and expectations that reside at the subconscious level. At the macro level, world events reflect the majority of shared beliefs, perceptions, emotions, visions, and expectations of the combined human individual minds that make up a society. In every corner of the universe, resides the potential for change in the outer world of both the individual and society, however, that can only happen when one takes the time to evaluate what is happening in the outer world long enough, to experience the magic of conscious awareness, and then begins to ponder how they might be contributing, outside of consciousness to what is being observed in the outer world. 

When I took this leap of consciousness, it was then that I made it my commitment to do all I could to take my power back from the narcissists in my life. I refused to tango with them and give them the right to play in the sacred world of my imagination and plant seeds in my subconscious mind. I permitted them to think what they wanted about me and stopped trying to control what I couldn't. I allowed the world to operate by divine laws and accepted that if I wanted the world to change, I had to change how I viewed it and felt about it. If I wanted beauty, balance, fairness, prosperity, health, kindness, compassion, empathy, generosity and gratitude in my personal life, and the world at large, it was up to me to stop long enough to climb my way out of the rhetoric of my own past and the rhetoric of human history to imagine in the world I prefer. 

Do all you can to not focus on the narcissists in your life and instead, make bringing peace, harmony, love and balance to your inner world your entire focus. 

Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach

Lisa A. Romano is a certified Life Coach and award-winning author who specializes in codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery. She is the author of The Road Back to Me 2012 and 7 additional titles and the creator of the psychologist-approved 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. Lisa is also a popular YouTube Content Creator with over 700K subscribers and one of the most listened-to meditation teachers on Insight Timer. Her mission is to teach wounded adult children from dysfunctional homes how to heal their inner child and become confident, autonomous, self-actualized beings through her proven processes that deliver predictable results and provide opportunities for awakening and transformations. 

Begin your inner transformation and healing journey with Lisa's 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program 

https://www.lisaaromano.com/12-wbcp

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